The Lesson I learned the hard way...

Something I learned the hard way was who I really liked/loved. A good while back I was dating a guy I kind of liked but my friends saw it as a dead end relationship because he lived in the states, then they noticed a another guy hitting on me, and me being the completely slow and oblivious person I am, didn’t notice.

Now me and the first guy I was with, Blake, we were going out despite him living in the states for at least a year. Then one of my friends brought up one day that I should leave Blake for the new guy so that I would be dating someone who actually lived in Winnipeg. I protested for a bit but back then I was kind of a push over. . . So in the end I ended up caving and left Blake for Jeff. Worst mistake I ever made.

First off all, I hardly knew this damn guy and yet I ended up caving and trying to go out with some stranger because my friend insisted on it. She didn’t really know him either! We all met him at one of our anime conventions. So the most we knew was whatever we talked about during one day of the convention. So as a start to it all it wasn’t smart or smooth.

Second, I felt horrible for what I did to Blake, he didn’t deserve that out of blue let go like that. I didn’t have a good reason behind breaking up with him and I certainly was not going to tell him I was breaking up with him because my friends insisted on me dating someone in Winnipeg. In the end he ended up thinking it was his fault one way or the other too, which made me feel even worse about it.

The whole time I was with Jeff, always made me feel awkward too. I didn’t really feel the same way nor could I tell if his feelings were genuine and even if they were I still didn’t feel the same either way. I’m not sure what my family’s opinion was on him either since he was like a giant compared to me, me being 5’5 while he was like 7 feet. Plus he was like 3 or 4 years older than me, which also made me, feel a little awkward. Over all the whole relationship just never felt right to me.

In the end, if it wasn’t obvious, the relationship didn’t last. There was far to many things clashing between the two of us and I don’t believe in religion which apparently did it for him. Despite not agreeing on the relationship it still hit a little hard when he didn’t even have the guts to tell me face to face or even on the phone to break up with me, he did it via email.

So in the end I ended up single and alone. I lost contact with Blake after a point plus I didn’t have the nerve to talk to him after what I did. I had a huge fight with that friend over it and I still hold a small grudge over her for it. It was then after I was alone and couldn’t get a hold of Blake anymore that I realized, that I missed him very much.

Many years later however I ended up finding him online again and we started talking again and the ended up going out again. HAPPY ENDING!

Who Am I?

I am the daughter to Mike and Carrie Still. I have been their daughter from 1990 to this present day. I and my mother share a special bond by being born on her birthday, so every year we would do something together in honor of our birthdays. I am also a very big daddies girl.

I am an older sister to my brother Sean who is two years younger than me, and a younger (step) sister to my two older (step) sisters, Cara and Lacie Hall. Although they are my step sisters, our family never acknowledges it that way.

My sisters having kids made me an aunt more than once. I started being an aunty when I was actually rather young. I don’t remember the exact age for it was a long time ago but I was still in middle school. One of my best friends at the time used to be so jealous of me for being an aunt she wanted to be an aunty for such a long time.

After taking a break from school for a few years I finally returned to school and became a student again to graduate. Being a student is nothing special nor is being a returning student, although it makes everyone happy and gets them off my back which makes me happy. A student title is only a temporary thing so the minute one is done with school the title is gone.

Sam Funk and Brenlee Johnstone are my two best friends. Sam and I met originally in Junior High but we weren’t nearly as close then, it was more, “Hey you’re that kind of cool kid that sits next to me in class” sort of deal. It was in High School that we actually started talking and hanging out more and it during that time that we met Brenlee. We had some other friends at the time but we ended up growing apart from them except for us, we ended up sticking together. Although we don’t always find the time to hang out whether it is cause of school, work, or another obligation, we always in the end hang out every Friday evening to watch our shows or do something crazy.

Being a fan of music needless to say, made me a music lover. I love music and have a big hate for silence, I could live through silence for a bit but it really starts to bother me after a point. Music is generally what helps my moods and days too. If I’m feeling down I listen to something happy and it helps cheer me up and fix my day. Growing up I have just always enjoyed music and loved singing to them, and to this day I still do. I enjoy almost every kind of music too, hip hop, rap, techno, etc. Music is just awesome and helps make the world go round.

Besides being a big fan of music my biggest thing would probably have to be video games. Just like music I grew up with video games. We had a Super Nintendo back in the day and when I was really little me and my dad would play games like Mario, Hockey, Castlevania, Mortal Kombat and many other titles. Growing up I always had a gaming system and I still have all my old gaming system that I still play too. I always loved playing video games they were just the best, there’s so much to a video game that can help ones day.

 

The fact that I have a boyfriend also classifies me as a girlfriend. The most I have to say for this is the fact that I have a nice, loving and caring guy who in the end actually lives in the states and not in Canada. We still talk though through Xbox and webcams.

Personal Symbol

I guess something that would have “special” meaning behind it, would be my Xbox. Mostly cause I can’t think of ANYTHING else…

So the story behind my Xbox is that, it was the first expensive thing I ever bought myself, and with my own money. I always wanted an Xbox and I knew my parents were not going to buy me one, so after many months of working and saving up my money, I went and got myself an Xbox, complete with headset, game, extra controller, and controller charger. In the final end the whole thing ended up costing about 600 – 700 dollars, but it was totally worth it. It was the first ever big purchase I had ever done myself and paid for entirely by myself.

I guess in a way, it was sort of like a “start” at becoming an adult, or something along that. The time I got my first credit card and used it and paid it off would be more of a start or follow up to being an adult.

Ever since I got my Xbox, I love it. It is one of my favorite systems; I’m on it every day or very close. I have bought many games for it over the years and take very good care of it. When I found my first scratch on it, I kind of freaked a little… I got over it eventually. My Xbox is about 2 or 3 years old now too I think and still work’s perfectly fine, mind you, I also have a Super Nintendo older than me and that still works too.

Besides being an awesome game console my Xbox has also been a great help to talking with my boyfriend on Xbox live, on mic. My Xbox and the games help me get away from the world on occasion so I can mellow out and not think about things. Blowing something up randomly is always so relaxing (haha) it is just a nice stress reliever.

One Medium Suitcase

To start off, I would take clothes obviously. I don’t really have any favorite clothes though, so probably just items of clothing, wherever I would be going I could just buy new clothes so clothes isn’t a big deal for me. I would just need a couple to keep me dressed and warm or cool for wherever I happened to be going.

Two things I absolutely would have to have on me would be my laptop and my Xbox. I don’t care where we go but if I wasn’t coming back home those two things I HAVE to have. They are one of the few ways I have to keep in contact with my boyfriend, so I need to have them, plus they are great entertainment and give me things to do and help me work. No matter where we went I would find a television to hook my Xbox up to, whether the place provides me with one, or I go buy one. As for my laptop all I need is a plug to occasionally to charge it, and then it’s good. Although the Xbox isn’t nearly as useful without games I could possibly go without packing any, it would just mean I got to re-buy them all… which would be a giant pain but possible and would save me space. On the bright side though, my Xbox has some games programmed into it so I wouldn’t be at a total loss. If I had extra room I would probably throw in a game or two, depending on how much left over room I had.

It probably wouldn’t be a for sure needed thing in my suitcase but I would probably pack a few of my ponies too, which ones I’m not really sure as most could be re-bought easily. If I absolutely had to pick (which I guess I would) it would be the ones my friend made for me, that are styled after the three of us. One of my best friends went and customized three of them to look like us as ponies for my birthday. They are pretty small and wouldn’t take up much room as it is. By that standards I could probably throw in some of my smaller ones but depending where I’m moving to, I could get them for like 2$.

My phone and ipod would be with me instead of my suitcase as those two objects are glued to me. I never go anywhere without them. My phone is also a way that I keep in contact with my boyfriend as well, when I don’t have my Xbox or laptop near. My ipod is my giant music source and I hate not having music with me 24/7. I heavily rely on my music to keep me in good moods, or distract me from life or other things.

One thing I absolutely could not pick one thing for would be my stuffed animals. I have SO many and I adore every single one of them, I have been collecting stuffed animals since I was very little, and each one means so much to me. I had to put a bunch in two or three boxes because they didn’t fit in my room, and even I still have a bunch lying around everywhere in my room. So I really could not pick one. Once I was done packing I would probably grab one on my way out, which I don’t know, but it would sure be a spur of the moment.

I would probably grab my Resident Evil book series as well, as those books are really hard to find. They would be a nice reminder of the games as well, since I would have had to leave them behind, plus I haven’t finished reading them and I really want to finish them. They aren’t very big, so they wouldn’t take much room.

I guess that would be everything... I'm not really sure though. Something like that would really be a spur of the moment kind of thing. Plus who knows what you really could fit in the suitcase, they have so many different kinds, some even have a zipper to make them a little bigger. So I guess i'll go with those.

You Light Up My Life

The person I look up to would have to be my dad, Mike. He's not your typical "role model" type of guy, since he dropped out of school and tends to over do it with the drinks at times and a few other unmentionable things. He’s not the “perfect” father role model but I don’t think I would want him any other way.
Not to pick favourites or anything either but I always rather enjoyed my dads company compared to my moms. My dad is usually really relaxed and doesn’t stress out about things, where as my mom, who stresses herself about everything around her and she usually ends up stressing out other people as well, especially me.
My dad can be rather… blunt at times to say the least but he always has good meanings behind his actions. He always tells me and my brother to stay in school as he regrets not doing so, even though I ended up dropping out as well he wasn’t mad, a little upset but that’s just a natural reaction. He was very supportive in helping my find a job and occasionally nudging me to go back to school but was never really pushy about it. Dad was of course thrilled when I did agree to go back and had to tell me all the things I’ve heard from many people about how, “You won’t regret going back. It’s better in the long run. You’ll get a better job.” Etc.
One of the few times I don’t enjoy my dad though would probably be, when he gets to a certain point in drinking. As a result of the drinking he obviously does some rather… stupid things, and it usually ends up worrying the hell out of me. Despite everything though, I have to be the one to watch my dad when he gets in states like that because my mom doesn’t care for taking care of him by then, I don’t mind most of the time though. The biggest problem is just dad gets sleepy obviously, and then I have to get him either inside (usually) and put him somewhere safe to sleep, or just the latter, get him somewhere safe to sleep in the house. Most times mom will help me, after she has had time to cool off though. One time I had to try and get my dad inside from the car and I got my two friends to help me out because I was going to drop him other wise, my dad is rather bigger then me so it is only natural.
Out of my two parents, I probably take the most after my dad. Everyone says I look like him, and I am a lot mellower like he is. I try, like him, to not let things get to me because I believe my dad is right on stuff like that.
Overall I just really love my dad and enjoy his company. He really is kind of a role model for me. Well. Sorta.

In the Beginning

Not much has really changed since I was a child. I was always quiet, shy and a bit of a tomboy. Most of my friends as a child were boys at the time, as I liked to wrestle with them and play video games. I did have some friends who were girls though, one was my best friend for years til we grew apart. For the most part though not much of me has changed, I still like video games to wrestle and I am still pretty shy and quiet, the biggest difference is I got taller and got relatively smarter.

I was a bit of a good kid on the outside but trouble maker on the inside. I was always on every ones good side and I'm guessing, because of that people just grew to love me (I still don't really understand why). I would often hear people saying "I love you/this girl" from people (ex. teachers, friends parents, family, etc) and to this day some of my old teachers still say that.

Although I was the "good kid" in school, at home I was still the good one compared to my brother but I would often go to my friends place to watch movies that my mother would have killed me, if she knew I watched (ex. IT, Chucky, etc).
Some times my uncle would allow me to get away with that too. I don't remember my age at the time but I remember when my uncle let me watch the "Kill Bill" movies and we swore then that we would never tell my mom bout that, years later however when I was 20 we finally told her.

Despite my mother being the type to not want her children watching bad movies like that, we were allowed to watch "Power Rangers", "Goosebumps" and on occasion I would watch "Ren and Stimpy" with my dad. My dad also allowed me to get away with stuff way more then my mom.
Normally one would have been scared of shows like Goosebumps but I found them interesting, only one episode really ended up scaring me, which was the "Living Dummy". That episode scared me for a few years and I could never look at a dummy the same after that, to this day dummies still kinda scare me.

Although I was a tomboy, I did still enjoy some girl like things, one big thing (which hasn't changed much to this day) was ponies, I loved My little pony. I fought tooth and nail when my mom tried to get rid of them when I was growing up, when she was going through them and packing them away to be given away or sold, I was going through the box when she wasn't looking and taking some out and hiding them.
Another thing I enjoyed was Barbie, but I didn't enjoy playing "house" or anything like that, I just liked to admire them and brush there hair. That always bugged my friends who were girls and enjoyed playing house, which is why I usually played with my friends who were boys.

Me, my bother and my sisters were such a handful for my parents though. We were crazy and scrapped a lot, like general siblings did. My two eldest sisters, Cara and Lacie, didn't always get along with my dad as he wasn't their real dad but despite that we never refere'd to each other as step sisters, mind you we didn't fight as often. My sisters mostly fought with eachother, where as me and my brother fought a lot. Although we did scrap a lot, we did look out for eachother.
My brother was the one who got in trouble a lot in school and one time he was getting to many slips for being in trouble, so on our way home from school I took his slips and ripped them up and hid them in the car graveyard by our school. Sure enough after a couple days though we got caught, but my brother still appreciated what I did for him then.

I don't believe I have changed much since then. Me and my brother still scrap a lot but despite that, I do still watch out for his back on times, and other times try to blackmail him. I get along with my sisters but still don't like listening to them bitch, which isn't as often, when they only call when they want a babysitter. Although I don't have as many guy friends anymore, I got myself girl friends who enjoy the same stuff I do. I still enjoy to wrestle with friends and family and playing my video games, but I also still enjoy some of my girl like things as My Little Pony.
I personally think i'm never gonna change and if I do... It won't be that far from what i'm like now.